Online Dating from A to Z: Searching for a Soulmate

Welcome to the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge. This month I’ll be working my way through the alphabet, one day at a time, on the subject of Online Dating. If you’ve never visited my blog before, I’m happy you’re here! Be sure to check out my previous A to Z Challenge posts and the books that were inspired by them for more alphabetical fun.

S is for Soulmate.

If you believe in the concept of soulmates or The One, I’m here to tell you something that may be hard to hear.

The One doesn’t exist.

A lot of the pressure of dating – whether online or in other ways – comes from a kind of perfectionism. It’s related to the erroneous concept of the soulmate, or the idea that there is JUST ONE human being out there, in the vast reaches of time and space, who can satisfy each and every one of your needs and desires. It is, quite frankly, bullshit.

I consider myself a fairly romantic person but, yes, I’m sorry to say that soulmates are complete and utter nonsense.

First of all, the idea that other people are designed specifically for your pleasure is just gross and wrong. Whether you’re a man or a woman, no one was made for you. You are your own unique being, just like everyone else, and you are a fully functioning, autonomous being who does not require someone to “complete” you. You are not someone’s missing puzzle piece, nor someone’s “other half.” You are you. And if you find someone that you enjoy spending time with, great!

Secondly, the idea that there is only one “correct” match for you is all kinds of crazy. Surely you have more than one friend, right? Lots of different types of friends, too? Like the ones you trust for gossip over lunch vs. the ones that you’d trust with your life? So why would your love life be different? Expecting just one person to be your everything is not only exhausting for them but also restrictive for both of you as human beings. You can love lots of different people, in different ways – and all at the same time! So putting your romantic efforts into searching for this unattainable thing is both backward and counterproductive.

Soulmates do not exist, and that’s a good thing. If you meet someone you really like, enjoy spending time with, and decide to embrace – whether forever or just for now – then that is truly love. It’s not about finding some hocus-pocus soulmate. Okay?

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