Phoning it in for Father’s Day

Yesterday was Father’s Day, so I called my dad to say hi and see what he was up to. Of course, I completely forgot that my parents’ phone line has been out since last week, so no one picked up!

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“Hello? Hello? Anybody home?!”

This is actually a recurring problem on their farm, as the phone company apparently doesn’t bother to bury their telephone cables at a proper depth. Given the fact that much of the cable seems to be buried beneath the gravel driveway that leads from the nearest main road up to their house, and given that gravel easily washes away during heavy rainstorms (or simply from regular use), the cable is frequently exposed, leaving it at the mercy of random farm equipment.

Basically what I’m trying to say is, every few months, the phone lines get cut accidentally at my parent’s house, which is kind of a pain in the ass. Especially since it’s their business as well as home phone.

Personally, I would be wigging out on the phone company to either bury the cable properly or just string the damn things up on poles already, since the problem is turning into a fairly clockwork farce at this point.

The thing I really don’t understand about the whole situation is that my parents recently authorized the phone company to construct an enormous cell phone tower on their property, yet customer service remains dismal. Wouldn’t you think that if you did the phone company such a huge favor, they’d at least have the courtesy to make sure your phone was always in service?

Before I realized that the phone was still out, however, I thought my dad must be on the line trawling eBay for some kind of mechanical bits and pieces. You see, one of his favorite hobbies is purchasing used cars, trucks, motorcycles and assorted parts from their auto section in order to drive my mother crazy. He once purchased a truck with a cherry-picker basket from someone in another state, and went to pick it up in person. The windshield was missing, however, so he decided to don a welder’s mask in order to protect his face while driving the truck home.

A passing state trooper was not particularly impressed with my dad’s total disregard for the lack of standard windscreen, but I still think it was a pretty ingenious move. I’m pretty sure the ticket cost less than towing the truck home, too!

Thankfully, my parents have finally escaped dial-up hell and don’t have to rely on their phone line to access the Internet anymore, so my mom was able to inform me, via Facebook, that the phone was out and that she and my dad (plus my sister and her husband) were going out to dinner for Mexican food after a day spent baling hay.

Ah, the wonders of technology.

Anyway, I hope you all had a pleasant Father’s Day weekend, whether you chose to spend it with your family or not. As for me, I spent my Sunday doing twice the amount of work I thought I was supposed to be doing, so in the spirit of balance, I’ve decided to take Monday off to work on my novel. Stay tuned for another installment of The Case of the Cunning Linguist, coming soon!

Now tell me: What’s the funniest thing your dad has ever done?

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