Brad Pitt’s buttcheeks

Today, I really wanted to write a haiku based on a photo of Brad Pitt’s buttcheeks (hence the title of this post), because I was reading an interview with the male castmembers of the new film Couples Retreat, and they had basically been making the point that their male nudity is all for laughs.

Which made me wonder: why is male nudity mostly just for laughs? Don’t we ladies want to see hot naked men as much as men want to see hot naked women?

Why should we suffer through naked Vince Vaughn and naked Jason Bateman and naked Jon Favreau, and not get any naked Brad Pitt?

So I announced to my husband that I was doing a Google image search for “Brad Pitt’s buttcheeks.”

“NO!” he shouted.

“Why not?” I asked, thinking he was jealous.

“Because that’s one of the most virus-laden searches on the Internet!” he cried.

I remembered him mentioning this a few weeks earlier, but I had paid it no mind. After all, I’m not really in the habit of searching for supposed nude pix of celebrities (firstly, because they’re almost always fakes and secondly, because I’m not really the “celebrity crush” type), so it didn’t really register as something I should avoid. Don’t download torrent files? Check. Don’t click the links to pr0n? Check. Don’t open emails from strangers promising Viagra? Check and check. But n00d celebs?

Dammit, I want to see Brad Pitt’s buttcheeks! Why must you crush my dreams with horrible, scary viruses, Internet? Why?

So, to make a long story short (too late!), there are no pictures of Brad Pitt’s buttcheeks in this post, despite the teasing title. I can, however, offer you a shot of Jon Favreau’s buttcheeks… but you probably don’t want to see ’em. Instead, let us all imagine the gold, glowing orbs that could be Brad Pitt’s buttcheeks. After all, fantasy is sometimes better than reality.