Tag Archives: writing tips

An open letter to so-called SEO experts

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Dear so-called “SEO Experts,”

As you may have noticed (since I’m sure you have carefully read through my website before attempting to contact me, rather than heading straight for the “Contact” page), I am a highly competent writer with many years of experience writing specifically for the web. While I appreciate your concern that my “SEO” might need help, and have received your ultra-spammy email indicating that, for a fee, you would be glad to help me out, you might want to address a few concerns I have regarding your tactics:

  1. When I say your email was “spammy,” I mean that it had a certain odor indicating a lack of professionalism. In fact, it reeked of the types of tactics employed by robots, which made me question your humanity altogether, and certainly did not make me want to further a conversation about search engine optimization.
  2. Speaking of which, please don’t ever use the term “SEO” on me again. I know what it stands for (see above), and despite the fact that I’m sure there are people out there who are properly trained to optimize websites for search engines, I doubt you are one of them. The term itself is associated with spammers and other scumbags, who seek to persuade people that there is a “quick fix” for getting your website ranked #1 at “the Google.”
  3. Certainly, there are good tools for optimization efforts out there (like the inexpensive SEO School by Naomi Dunford, which even has a money-back guarantee), but I would never buy them from someone who didn’t even take the time to address me by my proper name in the opening line of their email. If you don’t know what my name is, you aren’t even trying. Perhaps you are legally blind, and your computer’s Stephen Hawking voice has been temporarily muted? Seriously, it’s not like I’ve concealed my identity here. Your lack of personalization gives you away, spammer.
  4. Considering the possibility that you actually know anything at all about optimizing websites, you should be aware that I have many tags on my posts, some pretty eye-catching headlines, and some well-ranked pages, including one about writing scams and content mills. I am, in fact, the #3 page that comes up when searching for my (frightfully common) name on Google, and that suits me fine. The two that rank higher than me are Laura Roberts, MD and a consulting firm that has managed to capture my full name for their URL. It’s not like I’m behind loads of content aggregators and such, so I must have some idea about how to work the great Google machine, no?

In closing, no, I have no need of your supposed skills at this time. But even if I did, you should probably try sending me a personalized message first, asking if I might be interested in what you do, including a proper link to your website and some contact info that ventures into the real world (i.e. phone number, physical business address) that would make me feel like you are working at a reputable company that might actually have a clue.

Just my two-bucks worth (as time is money),
Laura Roberts, Professional Writer

From slump to score

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Lately I’ve been noticing that my writing has been in a bit of a slump. I only write a blog when I’m riled up about something, and then usually feel like it’s just a rant that isn’t worth posting after the emotions are spent. I’ve been writing really brief blogs about the books I’ve been reading, over at Crack Books, which is fun… but it’s not exactly the stuff of genius. I’ve been writing cover letters and endlessly tweaking my résumé, which is duller work than anything in the world. And then there’s just the sea of words that I feel like I’ve been drowning in, with all the print and web material I’ve got in my “to read” pile.

So I’ve decided to kick it up a notch and put myself on a strict writing regimen, to get things moving in the right direction and change my personal scoreboard from “zero” to “hero.” (Wow, that was cheezy! But somehow true.) Here’s what I’ve got lined up, so you can play along at home if you like:

  1. Just try and tell me you don’t want to run right out and get one of these New Leaf Paper composition notebooks for yourself! (image via New Leaf Paper)

    7 haiku per day, with coffee. I’ll bust some poetic moves as I drink my morning beverage of choice, getting the creative juices flowing and a feeling of accomplishment at seeing those 5–7-5s line up on the page. I’m doing 7 a day because that’s how many fit on a college-ruled page in my composition book. (Mad props to the New Leaf Paper company, who’ve really sexed up the standard composition-style notebook, all with 100% recycled paper. HOT!) I figure if I keep up this rate, by this time next year I’ll have a book of haiku to publish.

  2. Sending out work for publication. Every day I’ll try to find at least one new publication where I can send some of my finished work. I know I tend to procrastinate on this, or just let the stuff sit there, wondering what to do with it. No more! It’ll be out there, circulating, so that even if it’s getting rejected, at least it’s being read. Like they say about the lottery: you’ve gotta be in it to win it.
  3. Writing new stories. This is another point: while I do have some finished work I’d like to get out there, I’ve also got to keep updating the files with new work. So, I’d better get on to writing some stories! Every day I’ll work on either starting, editing, or finishing some new bit of work. When I hit a wall with one, start another. Keep ‘em in rotation and see what comes out of it.
  4. Finish that novel. I’ve been plugging away on my novel, on and off for a few years. It’s time to get serious, write the stuff that needs to get written, edit the stuff that needs to get edited, and get that sucker done. Just like the short fiction, just keep things moving and keep coming back to those pages. My biggest issue seems to be procrastination, so let’s put it on the To Do list and move it up towards the top, rather than letting it slide daily to the bottom.

That’s the four-pronged approach. I’ll probably still have to keep sending out résumés and cover letters on a daily basis, but I’ve decided to limit it to a manageable amount and do that type of admin work only until noon. After noon, it’s time to write. After all, I’m not an administrator, I’m a writer. Sometimes you have to remind yourself, y’know?

Anyway, that’s my approach. Do any of you have a specific writing routine or regimen that you like to use? Tell me all about it; I’m always curious to know how the rest of the world writes!

P.S. Here’s one of the 7 haiku I wrote today, reflecting on the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympic Games:

Hipsters reading pomes,
A friend asks: “Is this what your
country’s all aboot?”

Become a successful writer in 3 easy steps!

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“Become A Writer” collage by Laura Roberts

Today I’ve been catching up on my Twitter feeds, and I’ve found some interesting posts from a variety of writers. There’s The Worst Love Poem in Chicago by Mel Schwartz over at the Tribune, Bo’s Café Life (a cartoon about writing in cafés by Wayne E. Pollard), a list of 100 Little Ways You Can Dramatically Improve Your Writing at a site called “Online Colleges,” and my friend Jason Mashak has recently published a book of poetry entitled Salty as a Lip with Austin’s own Haggard & Halloo, (and which you can buy online here).

In short, I’ve been inspired, and I feel compelled to sit down and write like the wind. Because, ultimately, if I were to write a book on How To Become A Successful Writer, it would only have three steps. They would be:

  1. Sit your butt in a chair and write.
  2. Edit your work.
  3. Repeat steps 1 & 2 as necessary.

That’s it, that’s all. Publication? That’s a concern that comes later, and it’s up to a wide variety of whims. Ultimately, the way to become a successful writer is to write. That’s what all the great writers, and even the not-so-great writers who get it, will tell you. If you’re not writing, you’re not a writer. Period. So sit in the chair and write!

How to become a successfully published writer is a whole different blog post, my friends. Don’t bother yourself about it right now; just get out there and get writing!