The Gossip in Montréal

Gossip frontwoman Beth Ditto, on the cover of NME (photo via The Gossip on MySpace)

Gossip frontwoman Beth Ditto, on the cover of NME (photo via The Gossip on MySpace)

The Gossip are in town tomorrow night (October 13), and tickets are an unbelievable $20! I have no idea if any are actually still available, as the Admission.com website doesn’t seem to want to sell me any (stupid technology), but that doesn’t mean you can’t snag a few at the door (also for only $20).

Also important to note: The show has apparently been rescheduled from its original venue, Sala Rossa, and is now happening at Le National (1220 St-Catherine East) instead, to accommodate the overwhelming demand.

Um, duh! The Gossip are FRIGGINHUGE, yo. Who the hell booked ‘em at teeny Sala Rossa to begin with, anyway?

At any rate, my birthday’s on Wednesday and I figure it’s as good a time as any to embrace my inner party animal, get out there and dance. Oh, and force my entourage to buy me early-birthday drinks, of course.

In honour of Beth Ditto’s amazing voice and fuck-you attitude, I offer you this tabloid-esque haiku:

The Gossip in town:
dimestore diamond in the rough
proclaims “Kiss my ass!“

Trending topics: buttcheeks, wangitude

So, after I posted my haiku yesterday about Brad Pitt’s buttcheeks, I saw today’s Natalie Dee comic:

nataliedee.com
nataliedee.com

Coincidence or trend? You decide!

Continuing my theme of sexy haiku for this week, here’s one I wrote for my husband—who jokingly insisted that when I mention him in print, I must use the terms “wangitude, stamina and prowess,” à la fellow blogger Marn:

sweaty, panting, moans
for more, harder, faster; then
gasp, gush, laughter, sleep

I really like the combination of “wangitude, stamina and prowess,” but feel my own Spousal Unit needs his own terms. I’m off to brainstorm a few, but if you’ve got any suggestions, feel free to leave ‘em in the comments below.

Sexy writing workshop and haiku

In addition to reading being sexy, as detailed in yesterday’s post, writing is also super sexy. Which is why I’m taking it to the sexiest level possible and teaching a workshop about writing sexy stories! My “Saucy Smut” class is happening this Friday, October 9 at 6:30PM at Joy Toyz (4200 St-Laurent, suite 415), and will feature tips and tricks for anyone interested in learning how to get started writing erotica. This is for people who are purely in it for pleasure, as well as those looking to turn it into a career. The class itself is one night only, and costs $35 to attend ($30 if you’re a student).

In case you’re wondering what qualifies me to teach this class, please feel free to read some of my erotica at Black Heart Magazine, or online at Oysters & Chocolate, where I’m currently creating dirty astrology pieces for every sign of the zodiac. This month’s installment is Libra.

If you’ve ever wanted to write erotica, but wondered how to begin, c’mon out to Joy Toyz and find out! I promise to be gentle. You’ll also get extra credit if you’re read Inga Muscio’s fabulous book, Cunt, as I mentioned in this week’s Vixen. This extra credit may or may not come in candy form, as Halloween is fast approaching, and everybody loves sweet things.

And now, on to today’s sexy haiku, and the image that inspired it:

Photo by Ask The Geek

Photo by Ask The Geek

woman as object:
full lips, luscious bosom,
embracing herself

Oh, and in case you were wondering? That’s not me in the photo, although Ask The Geek has taken photos of me before. Maybe I’ll use them as inspiration in a future post when I’m feeling particularly vain!

P.S. A friend pointed out that my haiku today doesn’t follow the typical 5–7-5 format. This is true, but according to the definitions offered by the Haiku Society of America, I don’t think any of my haiku thus far actually qualify because they’re not about nature or natural imagery. Since I have never written about nature, nor do I intend to embrace this stuffily traditional definition of haiku, you could argue that I either write experimental or non-traditional haiku, or perhaps that I write senryu, which are “poem[s], structurally similar to haiku, that highlight the foibles of human nature, usually in a humorous or satiric way.” This is actually much more my type of poem, but I doubt any non-poets would know wtf I was talking about if I said I write senryu, so I’ll stick with the more common term haiku when explaining my daily obsession.