Top Five T-shirts About Writing

I’m waiting for a guy to come and fix my clogged bathroom drains. Again. This is the story of my life, and I’d really like it to stop, but since I can’t concentrate (knowing that whenever I do get started on something, he will ring the doorbell and interrupt my work with a lot of banging), I thought I would post a round-up of writing-related t-shirts. Consider this your inspiration for the day. Or just another round of procrastination from your 500 Words A Day Writing Challenge.

Four Things You Should Never Say to a Writer (by Inkygirl):

4things

I would also add to this list, “Oh, you’re working on a novel, eh? Can I read it?” and “You write about sex, eh? Let’s go do some ‘research’ together!” (The answers to both now, and forever, are “no” and “hell no.” Unless you are my husband.)

NaNoWriMo’s 10th anniversary “Author” shirt:

nanowrimoshirt

I’m a big fan of this one, and like to wear it when I’m in need of literary inspiration. Way better than a thinking cap, particularly in the heat of summer. If it smells funny, you know it’s been on repeat in my wardrobe for long writing hauls.

“Shake” shirt by Sharing Machine:

shakespeare

Were truer words ever written… or read off a t-shirt? Shakespeare needs money for his rent, sucka, so cough up! Wear this shirt when dealing with editors who haven’t paid you, or when the landlord comes prowling for your monthly check.

Dorothy Parker t-shirt by Words + Paper:

parker

This one is particularly apropos, as I was reading Ms. Parker’s O. Henry Award-winning short story, “Big Blonde,” over breakfast this morning. Cheerios, coffee and DP: truly, the breakfast of champions.

“Plot, It Builds Character” tee, from Threadless:

plot

Currently on sale for only $9, this is a Threadless tee that’ll help you remember how to write when you’re making pitiful rookie mistakes. I’m also a fan of their “Movies: Ruining the Book Since 1920″ tee, since I’m crazy like that.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

Fyodor Dostoyevsky “O Brother Where Art Thou?” shirt from Tres Normale:

dostoyevsky

Because Dostoyevsky wrote The Brothers Karamazov, get it? Yeah, since only a handful of people probably get this one, it only rates an honourable mention. But for those that do, it’s pretty cute. I think their Milton tee would also be a lot better if the caption read “Get lost,” but what do I know?

tooweirdI would also like to nominate these Hunter S. Thompson t-shirts for an honourable mention, because while I think that some of them are pretty cool (I particularly like the “We can’t stop here; this is bat country!” shirt), I also get the impression that ol’ Hunter S. would’ve been pretty horrified by his visage—and his words—appearing on a cheap cotton shirt. Particularly one that’s been made by Café Press, which (based on personal experience) produces a very poor-quality product. I’m also pretty sure that this type of thing is illegal, as it infringes upon a variety of copyrights (and yet has the nerve to claim copyright on these designs!), so I’m kind of hoping this site will go out of business. Of course, there’s no contact info listed anywhere, so who knows who’s actually running this show? Maybe it’s Thompson’s estate, playing a practical joke on us all.

Literary Snobbery meme

I was tagged by two of the most fabulous Facebook users in the world, AV Flox and Atherton Bartelby, so obvs I have to complete their literary meme now! Feel free to join in the snobbery if you are a literary type, or wallow in your tragic illiteracy if not. (This has also been posted on my Facebook page, so apologies if you’ve already read it there.)

1) wintersonWhat author do you own the most books by?
Jeanette Winterson

2) What book do you own the most copies of?
I don’t really have any repeats, though I’ve bought Beautiful Losers at least three times now. Damn Cohen thieves.

3) Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
It’s post-gym. I’m tired. Eff prepositions in the arse. But yes.

4) What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
Holly Golightly, bless her whorish little soul.

4a) What fictional character would you most like to be?
Hmm. That’s a tough one, as I always seem to like the losers, the underdogs, and the not-entirely-together. Let’s go with Harriet the Spy. She still amuses, after all these years.

4b) What fictional character do you think most resembles you?
Lolita. Or maybe Humbert Humbert?

5) What book have you read the most times in your life?
Beautiful Losers

6) harrietthespyWhat was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
Harriet the Spy. Or maybe those god-awful Sweet Valley High books. I devoured books in series, back then.

7) What is the worst book you’ve read in the past year?
Undoubtedly something I had to review for publication, so I will keep mum.

8) What is the best book you’ve read in the past year?
The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things, J.T. LeRoy

9) If you could force everyone you tagged to read one book, what would it be?
I think I may be forced to echo Ms. Flox on this one: “The one I publish one day, duh.”

10) Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for literature?
Salman Rushdie. I mean, c’mon already. Does the fatwa not speak for itself?

11) What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
I fear most good books make terrible movies, but what about Post Office?

12) What book would you least like to see made into a movie?
Any and all books that fall under the heading “chick lit.”

13) Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.
Nabokov’s son emailed me to tell me how bad I suck because of a sex column I wrote. Wait, that was real.

14) What is the most lowbrow book you’ve read as an adult?
Happiness™ by Will Ferguson

15) What is the most difficult book you’ve ever read?
Anything by Kathy Acker. I have problems with “experimental” literature and plagiarism.

16) What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you’ve seen?
This is embarrassing, but I have only seen Othello with a high school class. And we were mostly mortified by the way the actors showered us with spittle, sitting in the front row. Umbrella? Thanks.

17) Do you prefer the French or the Russians?
I am currently reading Anna Karenina, so I will side with the Russians. For now.

18) Roth or Updike?
Having never read any Roth (the shame! the horror!) I will say Updike.

19) davidsedarisDavid Sedaris or Dave Eggers?
Sedaris, hands down. Eggers is a poseur.

20) Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?
No thank you. I successfully avoided all of these classes as an English Lit major and I’m not about to cave now!

21) Austen or Eliot?
I don’t do “lady authors.”

22) What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?
It is a bit embarrassing that one can have an English Lit degree without having been forced to take the Shakespeare, Milton or Chaucer courses at one’s university, but I refuse to feel shame. I have seen enough to know it’s not for me.

23) What is your favorite novel?
Beautiful Losers

24) Play?
Is it plebian of me to say “The Shape of Things”?

25) Poem?
“As the Mist Leaves No Scar,” Leonard Cohen

26) Essay?
“Art Objects,” Jeanette Winterson

27) tiffanysShort story?
“Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” Truman Capote

28) Work of non-fiction?
Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain

29) Who is your favorite writer?
I love my man LC, but I feel compelled to say J.M. Coetzee.

30) Who is the most overrated writer alive today?
That damn woman who wrote those stupid “Twilight” books that all the pre-teens are reading these days. Bleh!

31) What is your desert island book?
I hate these “desert island” questions, since I can never decide whether I want an old fave or something that will keep me occupied for a long while. How about the Tao Te Ching just to hurt my brain?

32) And … what are you reading right now?
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, as well as Do Everything in the Dark by Gary Indiana, and a vast assortment of magazines, newspaper articles and whatever’s close at hand.