Wanna buy a vowel? Check out my Etsy store

If you’re in the market for some hot vowels — or even a few choice consonants — you’ll want to check out my latest offerings via Etsy.

The first of these are my “Haiku for Haters” mini-books, which I’m selling for a mere $1 (plus taxes and shipping). Containing 24 pages of original haiku for the haters of the world, these cheeky poems take on the staid world of ancient 5–7-5 Japan. Well worth the cover price… and much much more!

But the piece de la resistance? My new work, “YOUR TITLE HERE,” an as-yet unwritten mini-book made JUST FOR YOU. Yeah, YOU! The gist of the thing is that you tell me what you want to read, including as much (or as little) info relating to plot, characters, setting and quirks, and then I take you on a no-holds-barred literary journey, using these bits and pieces as reference points.

You’re probably saying “Holy cow! That sounds too good to be true, cus this must cost at least $1,000!”

No way, man. This is WAY more affordable. Just 150 bones gets you a brand-spankin’ new story, fresh from the fields, kicking and screaming and mixing its metaphors all the way to your mailbox. 100% original, 100% unique, 100% written just for you.

Seriously, is that a deal or what?

So check out my Etsy shop and tell me what you think. I hope to add a few new mini-books to my roster in the coming weeks, but for now take a look at “Haiku for Haters” and “YOUR TITLE HERE” and tell me what you think.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

4th of July haiku

Normally I don’t like to share my haiku with my husband. It’s not that I’m afraid of his judgement, exactly. It’s more that the stuff scribbled in my personal notebooks is mostly just private. It hasn’t been edited, and it’s not publication-worthy, so why would I let someone else see it?

But this morning he said to me, “I liked the haiku in your notebook.” To which I replied suspiciously, “Which haiku?” I had forgotten I’d left the notebook open to a list I’d been making. There were, to my horror, two haiku on the opposite page. And he had read them.

They were cute!” he said.

One was a kind of inside joke, commenting on a grocery list I’d started which he had hijacked with a note-to-self reminding him to get a friend’s email address. It read:

Milk, lettuce, VLAD
reads the list.
I wonder where one
can pick up a VLAD these days.

Fine. It’s silly, it made him laugh. But I still hadn’t really intended it for public consumption.

I liked the one about Ned,” he added. I had been writing poems about our new kitten. Some of them were incredibly sappy, and I cringed.

Luckily it wasn’t one of the cheesy ones. This one read:

Moonlight Sonata
kitten soothed by foot odors—
tennis shoe, waiting.

Actually, in my original draft I’d written “wafting” as the last word. My husband was offended by the suggestion that his tennis shoes wafted, so I changed it to his interpretation of my terrible handwriting, which was waiting. I guess that’s a bit more mysterious and therefore better.

What do you think?

I wrote a few more about Ned. I don’t want to bore you with haiku about my cat, since that seems a bit Crazy Cat Lady, but this is pretty much my favorite:

From slump to score

Lately I’ve been noticing that my writing has been in a bit of a slump. I only write a blog when I’m riled up about something, and then usually feel like it’s just a rant that isn’t worth posting after the emotions are spent. I’ve been writing really brief blogs about the books I’ve been reading, over at Crack Books, which is fun… but it’s not exactly the stuff of genius. I’ve been writing cover letters and endlessly tweaking my résumé, which is duller work than anything in the world. And then there’s just the sea of words that I feel like I’ve been drowning in, with all the print and web material I’ve got in my “to read” pile.

So I’ve decided to kick it up a notch and put myself on a strict writing regimen, to get things moving in the right direction and change my personal scoreboard from “zero” to “hero.” (Wow, that was cheezy! But somehow true.) Here’s what I’ve got lined up, so you can play along at home if you like:

  1. Just try and tell me you don’t want to run right out and get one of these New Leaf Paper composition notebooks for yourself! (image via New Leaf Paper)

    7 haiku per day, with coffee. I’ll bust some poetic moves as I drink my morning beverage of choice, getting the creative juices flowing and a feeling of accomplishment at seeing those 5–7-5s line up on the page. I’m doing 7 a day because that’s how many fit on a college-ruled page in my composition book. (Mad props to the New Leaf Paper company, who’ve really sexed up the standard composition-style notebook, all with 100% recycled paper. HOT!) I figure if I keep up this rate, by this time next year I’ll have a book of haiku to publish.

  2. Sending out work for publication. Every day I’ll try to find at least one new publication where I can send some of my finished work. I know I tend to procrastinate on this, or just let the stuff sit there, wondering what to do with it. No more! It’ll be out there, circulating, so that even if it’s getting rejected, at least it’s being read. Like they say about the lottery: you’ve gotta be in it to win it.
  3. Writing new stories. This is another point: while I do have some finished work I’d like to get out there, I’ve also got to keep updating the files with new work. So, I’d better get on to writing some stories! Every day I’ll work on either starting, editing, or finishing some new bit of work. When I hit a wall with one, start another. Keep ‘em in rotation and see what comes out of it.
  4. Finish that novel. I’ve been plugging away on my novel, on and off for a few years. It’s time to get serious, write the stuff that needs to get written, edit the stuff that needs to get edited, and get that sucker done. Just like the short fiction, just keep things moving and keep coming back to those pages. My biggest issue seems to be procrastination, so let’s put it on the To Do list and move it up towards the top, rather than letting it slide daily to the bottom.

That’s the four-pronged approach. I’ll probably still have to keep sending out résumés and cover letters on a daily basis, but I’ve decided to limit it to a manageable amount and do that type of admin work only until noon. After noon, it’s time to write. After all, I’m not an administrator, I’m a writer. Sometimes you have to remind yourself, y’know?

Anyway, that’s my approach. Do any of you have a specific writing routine or regimen that you like to use? Tell me all about it; I’m always curious to know how the rest of the world writes!

P.S. Here’s one of the 7 haiku I wrote today, reflecting on the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympic Games:

Hipsters reading pomes,
A friend asks: “Is this what your
country’s all aboot?”