Moving beyond the bedroom

Cartoon by Debbie Ridpath Ohi (via Inkygirl.com)

Cartoon by Debbie Ridpath Ohi (via Inkygirl.com)

I’ve been thinking about applying for an MFA program, lately, as it would afford me time to write a real novel. Not just a 30-day NaNoWriMo marathon novel, which is all about quantity over quality, but a real, honest-to-goodness time-consuming, thoughtfully-penned novel.

That, quite frankly, is both exhilarating and totally terrifying.

Part of the terrifying aspect is that, like any application for school, you’re supposed to write up a succinct cover letter detailing any awesome aspects you bring to the table, which would convince them that you’d be an asset and a credit to the program. You’re supposed to sell yourself. They want to know about honors you’ve achieved, fellowships/grants/scholarships you’ve been granted, people you’ve impressed.

Sometimes, I wonder whom I’ve really impressed, or what I have to show for the past two years of freelancing work. I’m not saying it hasn’t been fun, but it hasn’t exactly added up to the kind of career I used to dream about when I was a starry-eyed creative writing major. Mostly because I haven’t been doing much creative writing.

Hence my desire to keep up with my haiku-a-day project, to do NaNoWriMo, to take on the 3-day Novel Writing Contest, etc.

So I have been asked to think about my goals, my dreams, my future—as these little questions are meant to prod you to write something about those types of things—and I am wondering where I really aim to go these days. Although I certainly enjoy writing about sex, and probably will always have an interest (some might say obsession) with this area, it’s not necessarily the area I want to specialize in forever. It’s just one of many interests, and it’s very easy to get pigeonholed when you write a sex column and run an erotica website.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’d like to be someone with a life outside the bedroom, to not be boxed into my boudoir, no matter how comfy it may be. Now the only question is where to go from here?

Moving beyond the
bedroom can be challenging;
I like a challenge

WordPress update haiku

iminurfridgeIn case you haven’t noticed yet, there’s a new version of WordPress available. Upgrade your website now to avoid falling prey to obnoxious hackers!

Here’s a haiku to remind you. I call it “Be alert; the world needs more lerts”:

Obnoxious hackers
in yr base killing yr d00dz,
ruining yr site

Srsly.

Mega haiku catch-up

I have been behind on my writing this week, and haven’t posted any of my daily haiku since October 12! Therefore, I will make-up with a MEGA HAIKU CATCH-UP post, right now. Five crazy haiku, coming atcha. In five… four… three…

Ugg Boots in action. The horror!

Ugg Boots in action. The horror!

To begin, let’s start with my hatred for Ugg Boots. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones that look like the type of hideously ugly slippers someone’s mom who has ceased to view herself as a human being shuffles around the house in? Those. Hate ‘em. Especially when worn by so-called “fashion conscious” university students, paired up with sleazy sweatpants. Try harder, damn you! You’re young and beautiful! Stop dressing like middle-aged bag ladies! Anyway, the haiku:

It’s that time of year:
Shoes turn to boots in the
shop windows. Fuck Uggs!

Seriously. When they’ve actually shortened the name of the company from “Ugly Boots” to “Uggs,” you should know it’s time to run screaming.

In keeping with the fashion theme, I recently purchased a pair of hot 80s-inspired earrings from my friend Mercedes La Rosa, who is selling her wares under the company name bijougraphie. I dig the name of the earrings I bought, too: Neuromantics. She informs me that they were inspired by listening to a lot of Duran Duran. So I wrote a little ode to her latest creative effort:

bijougraphie, c’est
trés jolie! Neuromantics
swaying on my lobes

You should definitely check them out if you’ve got holes in your ears or a neck to swing some chains on. She’s got an Etsy shop, or you can buy direct from her website.

Two down, three to go!

In personal news, it looks like my “V for Vixen” column is going to undergo some changes over at the Hour website. The paper just keeps shrinking, due to lean financial times and lack of advertising dollars, so my editors have asked me to pitch a shorter, half-sized version of my column. Since my 750 words will be scaled back to only 375, I’ve been thinking about different ideas that will fit into this more bite-sized format. Naturally, the dirty haiku came to mind, as did a Twitter-esque “sex in 140″ type of format. So while I’m pondering this issue, as well as potential new names for my column, I came up with a haiku on the subject:

Pro tips in fifty
words or less, give or take three–
hundred. Sexy slice.

Inspired by this “sexy slice” concept, here are my final two haiku, along with a link to an amusing “Twatif” video, originally posted on the Huffington Post:

Sweet lovin’ on the
hot-love highway, he rocks out
with rubber dildos

Tantalizing tease
Cum and gone in one-forty
Brave new world of sex