Tag Archives: erotica

Dicks are still dirty, even if it’s art

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Today I logged into my Smashwords account to check up on my ebook titles and see if they’d all been approved for listing in their premium catalog. When I did so, I found the following notice on my title “The Unbelievably True Story of the World’s Worst Sex”:

Some of our retailers are super-sensitive to nudity. Please consider uploading a new or censored image.

This is only the second time any of my erotica ebooks have been flagged for nudity, which is odd, because one has a straight-up naked ass on the cover, and that didn’t cause anyone to bat an eye, whereas the tits on “Acting the Part” had to be blocked with a black bar.

I’m a little puzzled by this one, though. Here’s the image in question:

In case you couldn’t tell, it’s a painting. It’s a Baroque painting, actually, by the Italian artist Guido Reni. The title is “Bacchus and Ariadne.” It was painted in 1621, when people apparently had no qualms about flaccid dicks just hanging out there for the sake of art. Especially in the case of a classical mythological character like Bacchus, the god of wine, women and revelry!

Odd how, in 2012, naked cocks are automatically deemed “offensive,” no matter what the context. I mean, first of all, it’s an erotica ebook. By definition, this title is about sex. If it offends you, why are you browsing this section at all? It’s not like you’re going to find a dissertation on quantum physics here, so get your mind into the gutter or don’t go down the drainpipe at all.

Secondly, does simply viewing a penis make one horny? Or does it assail one’s eyes? Sure, it’s a sexual organ, but if it’s not standing at attention, I think it’s safe to say it’s just another body part. Likewise for Ariadne’s exposed bosom. She’s not squeezing her nipples or making any sexual advances on Bacchus (who is, by the way, her husband). She’s just hanging out.

In fact, she looks kind of annoyed with him—as if she is maybe saying “Can’t even get it up for the ol’ ball and chain, can you?” That’s why I picked it for my ebook cover. She’s irritated with this guy, and it shows. Plus, he’s got a tiny penis, which fits the theme of my story perfectly.

So why is this offensive and in need of censorship? I thought this was a beautiful painting. And an ironic one, as you can clearly see a mere mortal giving a god the gears, which most humans can’t get away with (even in classical mythology). Reni also painted a really femme-y Archangel Michael, which I dig, and which may or may not have inspired the nipple-protruding breastplate on the Batman costume.

Just look at this shirtless wonder! Plus, I think Fabio is tweaking her nipple here… Highland Rogue indeed!

I think it’s really odd that Smashwords is suggesting retailers would take offense because of an erotic ebook cover that features a classical painting of two naked people hanging out. It’s art, after all, and I’ve seen plenty of oil paintings and pottery and sculptures depicting mythological scenes on the covers of books over the years, some of which even involve (gasp!) nudity, where people are just hanging out. None of those publishers argued about whether it was art or pornography; they just slapped it on their cover. Hell, this one’s not even depicting an orgy, for which ol’ Bacchus was famous!

So, yes, my cover involves nudity, but it’s not even half as steamy as the romance novel covers with Fabio on ‘em (see just one example at right). And isn’t it, really, the suggestion of nudity, more than the nudity itself, that causes people to get all turned on?

I guess my ultimate question is: does my ebook’s cover offend you, and if so, why?

Editors like money too

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I realize there’s next to no money in writing erotica, as I run an erotica website myself and make no money off of this project, but this is simply ridiculous. Here’s a copy of an email I just sent to Ellora’s Cave Publishing’s Editor-in-Chief, Kelli Collins, upon reading this unbelievable “job posting,” and its insultingly low payment.

Dear Ms. Collins,

I recently saw your ad on JournalismJobs.com in search of copy and content editors, but I believe there must be a typo in your posting. Does your company really only pay $0.0075 cents per word (i.e. less than 1 cent per word) for content editing, and $0.00175 per word for copy editing? This seems unbelievable, as you say the typical project is a minimum of 10,000 words, which by my account works out to a pay scale of $75 per book edited, content-wise, or $17.50 per book for copy editing.

Are you aware that this payscale is far below industry standards? According to Writers.ca, the website of the Professional Writers Association of Canada (PWAC), the average payment for editing is between $500 and $20,000 per project, or $30 to $60 per hour. These are figures that have not changed substantially over the past 30 years, and I would certainly hope that rates for professional editing would not have dropped so significantly!

Please let me know if these are, in fact, your rates for editing work, or if there has been some mistake, as I would certainly like to know why “the premier publisher of erotic romance novels” cannot, seemingly, offer their freelance editors a more competitive wage.

Sincerely,
Laura Roberts
–
Writer, editor, button tapper

http://buttontapper.com

If you’re going to pay people for their work, you should pay them at least the minimum by industry standards. If kids flipping burgers are guaranteed a minimum wage, then why shouldn’t writers and editors receive equally fair treatment? Ads like this make me mad, not just because it’s all about quantity over quality, but also because it shows just how little the person offering the job will respect the person who does the job. I don’t expect respect, but I do expect to be treated like a human being, rather than a wage slave. If I wanted that, I’d go take some office job pushing papers in a cubicle, à la Office Space.

What do you think?

Moving beyond the bedroom

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Cartoon by Debbie Ridpath Ohi (via Inkygirl.com)

Cartoon by Debbie Ridpath Ohi (via Inkygirl.com)

I’ve been thinking about applying for an MFA program, lately, as it would afford me time to write a real novel. Not just a 30-day NaNoWriMo marathon novel, which is all about quantity over quality, but a real, honest-to-goodness time-consuming, thoughtfully-penned novel.

That, quite frankly, is both exhilarating and totally terrifying.

Part of the terrifying aspect is that, like any application for school, you’re supposed to write up a succinct cover letter detailing any awesome aspects you bring to the table, which would convince them that you’d be an asset and a credit to the program. You’re supposed to sell yourself. They want to know about honors you’ve achieved, fellowships/grants/scholarships you’ve been granted, people you’ve impressed.

Sometimes, I wonder whom I’ve really impressed, or what I have to show for the past two years of freelancing work. I’m not saying it hasn’t been fun, but it hasn’t exactly added up to the kind of career I used to dream about when I was a starry-eyed creative writing major. Mostly because I haven’t been doing much creative writing.

Hence my desire to keep up with my haiku-a-day project, to do NaNoWriMo, to take on the 3-day Novel Writing Contest, etc.

So I have been asked to think about my goals, my dreams, my future—as these little questions are meant to prod you to write something about those types of things—and I am wondering where I really aim to go these days. Although I certainly enjoy writing about sex, and probably will always have an interest (some might say obsession) with this area, it’s not necessarily the area I want to specialize in forever. It’s just one of many interests, and it’s very easy to get pigeonholed when you write a sex column and run an erotica website.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’d like to be someone with a life outside the bedroom, to not be boxed into my boudoir, no matter how comfy it may be. Now the only question is where to go from here?

Moving beyond the
bedroom can be challenging;
I like a challenge