Category Archives: Copywriting

An open letter to President Obama re: firing your copywriter

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Dear Mr. President,

I appreciate getting emails from the President of the United States. I think it’s pretty cool that we have a President who is actually interested in representing the people he works for, and is always trying to find out what We The People really think.

But I have a quibble with the way you and your staff address me in these emails.

Recently, I received an email from “Barack Obama” (info@barackobama.com) with the subject line “Hey.”

I wish I were kidding.

Screenshot of the offending email; I can’t make this stuff up (click to embiggen)

At first I thought your message was spam and trashed it accordingly. Do you see how powerful subject lines can be, Mr. Obama?

Now, I’m not saying you can’t be a bit casual when you email me. I like a President who’s friendly, and something along the lines of “Howdy friend,” is fine by me as a greeting. But “Hey” as a subject line? That’s just… weird.

And really spammy/creepy.

So, nothing personal, but until your people hire a decent copywriter to fix this problem, Mr. Obama, I’m deleting all your emails unread. If they’re really important, and you really want me to read them, I’d suggest hiring some new copywriters, stat.

Might I suggest… someone like me? I’ve got experience writing newsletters, in case you’re interested, and I’m not that expensive, either. Feel free to message me back if you want to take me up on this offer; you’ve got my email, right?

Looking forward to another four years,
Laura Roberts

Poets and Writers Magazine: A comparison in copy

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It’s funny how people will treat you differently, once they perceive you as a “real” writer. For an entertaining example, let’s compare and contrast a couple of mailings I recently received from Poets & Writers Magazine. Consider it a copywriting critique, as there are some important differences between these two representative samples.

Figure A contains the note P&W originally sent me, just as my “regular schmuck” subscription was about to expire:

Please note their vaguely threatening wording: “If you don’t renew your subscription promptly […] you’ll have to forge ahead with your writing career without it.” Good god, no! Don’t go it alone—you’ll never survive!!

The price listed on the renewal form is $19.95 for one year (6 issues), compared to a newsstand (cover) price of $35.70.

Figure B is the letter I received once they discovered I was a real, actual, published writer. One whom they had in their “published author” database. You know, someone who might say critical things about their previous letter in, say, this blog:

Now they know my name and take the time to use mail-merge to address me by it (rather than “Dear Writer”), while also taking a far more ingratiating tone: “You take your writing seriously and you want your work to be taken seriously by others […]” and “We are here to help.”

Please also note that “Because you are active in the literary community,” my price has now dropped to $9.95 for a year’s subscription.

Okay, so here’s the thing: I’m not saying that P&W isn’t a cool magazine with good advice for writers, both professional and dilettante. I obviously subscribed, despite not originally having a super-sweet discount to seal the deal, and I’ve enjoyed reading their articles. But I also know that a lot of the stuff they print in the back of the mag (i.e. all the markets, contests, grants, etc.), which is the angle they’re mainly pushing as a reason for keeping up my subscription, can be perused for free on their website (it’s under “Tools For Writers”).

So, what will the savvy, pro writer do?

Probably not renew his or her subscription. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, as they say?

Plus, it probably doesn’t help that your Circulation Director is writing such tone-deaf notes to clients (i.e. Figure A), not-so-subtly suggesting that anyone who doesn’t subscribe to the mag is destined for failure. Just sayin’.

I’m not suggesting a boycott here, just a little forethought in terms of marketing materials. View this as a helpful copywriting critique, if you will. In the end, you don’t have to give all subscribers the You’re A Real Writer Discount, but you should at least treat them all with the same respect they deserve. Writers are easy targets for unscrupulous folks that want to prey on people’s hopes and dreams; it’s definitely wise to avoid any such associations—accidental though they may be—when writing to valued subscribers.

When to fire a client, in 6 easy steps

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I’ve fired clients before. It’s not something I like doing, but it happens. Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether a particular individual will become a problem before you agree to work for them. Thanks to this great, concise WritersWeekly article, “Getting Pooped Upon… and Six Other Reasons to Reject A Client,” by David Geer, you now have a checklist for potential uh-oh’s to look for and nip before they blossom into huge pains in the bum.

You’re welcome.

I particularly identify with “they are surprised you actually want money.” Um, yes. Oddly enough, we Professional Writers do charge for our services. Sometimes, you will not be able to afford us. Suck it up and get the money for the fee so you’ll have it done right the first time, or else get your “friend who writes good” to do the work, and see how far that little exercise in futility goes.

Missing from this list is the “oh, I just need a few edits to my website,” which turns into “oh, you have to actually edit the code for my website, otherwise I won’t be able to, like, upload the text myself, or get an unpaid intern to do this dirty work for me!” I do not edit code. I edit text. Words. You know, the things that form sentences? If you want me to muck about in your backend, you’d better be paying me code monkey fees. Look those up and then see how you feel.