Category Archives: Writing Tips

Check your fucking sources

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Dear People of the World,

I’m sure you are all very busy and don’t have enough time to actually pay attention to the things you re-post and retweet and email-blast in forwards to friends, family and random strangers, but I have a very important memo that I would like to send to each and every one of you. It reads as follows:

CHECK YOUR FUCKING SOURCES!

I know you are probably already offended by the F-bomb, but sometimes dramatic explosions are necessary in order to catch your attention. Hear me out.

You see, I have been getting a lot of nonsense from people lately that has been forwarded on to me as FACT via media outlets that I typically classify as FICTION. Fox News, for instance, is not what I would call a “reliable source.” They are, at best, trying to show how much they really, really care about Whitney Houston’s untimely death, but in reality they’re a giant propaganda machine that is churning out un-checked stories in the hopes that you and I are not going to call them on it.

I’m calling them on it. And I’m calling YOU on it, for passing it along like a bad game of “Telephone.”

For the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, check your sources before you come to me with your rants and raves about the latest “Obamacare” story or the news that “so-and-so is being fired for plagiarism!” Fox News does not qualify as a reasonable source. Indeed, even if this same news were printed in the New York Times, I would still want to see a second, third and fifteenth opinion before making up my mind on the matter.

Important questions to consider when receiving news should always include:

  1. Who wrote this story, and what is their angle?
  2. Which way does this media source typically slant? (And yes, they ALL have a slant.)
  3. Why should I believe anything written here? (i.e. Where are the verifiable facts, or the sources who have supplied them?)
  4. If this is later shown to be 100% false, where do I find the retraction and explanation of which items were false and which, if any, were true?
  5. Who stands to benefit from this story’s being written? (For instance, if a story is telling you that chocolate is good for your health, is there perhaps some connection to the chocolate industry? Has the writer been employed by a chocolatier, or paid to say what he or she is saying?)
  6. Is this coming from a reputable media outlet? (Hint: Fox and CNN are not “reputable” sources. Neither is the Huffington Post. Neither is a pharmaceutical company’s website, an anti-abortion website, or a Holocaust denial website.)
  7. Is this a primary source (i.e. breaking news straight from the horse’s mouth), or is this item being reposted from another source, who has gotten the information second-, third-, or fifteenth-hand and may be missing something in the rewriting?

I’m not a trained journalist, but I am certainly a skeptic. I have taken many, many courses on the lies the media sell us, the propaganda nations feed us, and the selective history victors choose to print, and I question everything. You MUST question your information. Every bit of it. Don’t believe anything you read on Twitter. Don’t listen to anything sent via email forward. And don’t allow people to keep sending you this garbage with the excuse, “Well, it MIGHT have been true.”

Yes, and the world MIGHT be flat, with dragons at the end of it, but it’s NOT. So what’s your point?

You know what it’s called when you pass along false information? FRAUD. And you know what happens to people who knowingly defraud others? THEY GO TO JAIL.

Assume that whatever you’ve just learned is a secret about a close friend of yours. Assume that this information is gossip until proven. You want to defend your friend, right? So you will try to seek out information that can prove or disprove this secret’s veracity. Do what you can to uncover the truth.

The truth is out there. Go find it. Please, I’m begging you.

XO,
Laura

No more false gods

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I hereby swear off reading online newsletters from people offering writing “advice.”

“What?!” I can hear you screaming. “Do you think you’re better than the rest of us? How dare you!”

It’s not that newsletters or blogs on the subject of writing have nothing to offer me. There are certain blogs and newsletters that I find helpful and entertaining, and some I even read religiously.

But that’s just it: they’re false gods. Or maybe just false prophets. Either way, I can do without ‘em.

I’ve been through a creative writing degree, I’ve read tons of material about how to write better, I’ve written numerous pieces of fiction and nonfiction, and I’ve even taught people how to write better. I edit a literary magazine, and offer a paid option to receive a short critique on your submission for just 3 freakin’ bucks.

I KNOW HOW TO GODDAMN WRITE, PEOPLE.

So yes, I am swearing off reading anyone’s advice on the subject of how to write better and how to market your writing to the right audience and how to do what millions of published writers have done before you, which is sitting your butt in the chair and just WRITING the damn thing, already.

Nothing personal. I just don’t need any more advice, at the moment. I’m full up, and need to work on the actual, physical, writing end of this whole “writing” gig.

See you on the flip side, with my finished manuscript in tow

Pseudonyms: a socially acceptable form of lying for writers

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Hi! My name is Nora Roberts, and I write romance novels. I’m also Julia Roberts’ younger, hotter sister. And no, I did not have relations with that hamster.

What’s that? You thought my name was Laura Roberts? And that I wrote erotica? And that there’s no family connection to Julia? Clearly you’ve been misled!

Actually, this post is all about pseudonyms, which for writers are a socially acceptable form of lying about yourself. Seeing as there are quite a number of ladies named Laura Roberts in the world (some of whom are also, oddly enough, writers), I’ve recently been thinking about changing my name to something a little more vivacious. Something that really screams “erotica writer.” You know, something like Cherry Poppins.

WHY USE A FAKE NAME?

There are actually a lot of different reasons for using a pseudonym, whether you’re trying to get away from a boring or over-used name or need to disguise your true identity. Mostly I’ve encountered the question of the false name with respect to my past life as a sex columnist, and current life as a trashy novelist. Some people think I should be ashamed of writing about sex, while others just think my name should be a little more Anaïs Nin than *yawn* Laura Roberts.

Seriously, though, how cool would it be to have an umlaut in your name?

Other good reasons for getting yourself a pseudonym include:

  1. “I write about personal subjects, and don’t want my family to get mad at me!” (see: David Sedaris)
  2. “I work as a schoolteacher, and don’t want my students—or their parents—to find out about my double life writing erotica!” (see: Judy Mays)
  3. “I wrote a ‘memoir’ that turned out to be fiction, and now no publisher will touch me with a ten-foot pole!” (see: James Frey)
  4. “I started off writing mysteries, but now I write horror and suspense novels, and my agent doesn’t think fans from one genre will cross over to the other!” (see: JA Konrath, aka Jack Kilborn)
  5. “There are already 90 different writers with my name!” (see: Laura Roberts—oh, hello!)

THE DOWN-SIDE

So, are there any drawbacks to using a pseudonym? Yes, if you want the people who know and love you to be able to Google your work. Or if you end up having to convince a would-be employer that you really wrote those awesome novels they are all excited about, despite the fake name (and bio) on the back of the book. Or if someone unmasks you as that whore, Cherry Poppins, in front of your co-workers, students or peers.

It can be a tricky subject, explaining your double life to people who don’t really understand the concept of fiction.

But if you like to write about taboo subjects and don’t want anyone to know that you’re really just a kindly old woman who loves dogs and knits afghans in the UK, then a pseudonym generally provides pretty good protection—so long as you’re not out tweeting and blogging and generally giving away the fact that your fake name is, well, fake. Be sure to keep a separate website, and social media accounts, for any names you’d like to keep separate from your real-life alter ego. Otherwise, you may end up like Penelope Trunk, who formerly used the name as a pseudonym, and later ended up changing her real name to fit the popular persona she’d created!

PICKING A PROPER PSEUDONYM

Okay, okay: I’ve convinced you. Now, how do you come up with an awesome pseudonym that fits your need for a convincingly different name? First you’ll want to consider the type of writing your pseudonym is for and tailor it appropriately. For instance, “Mysteria, Goddess of the Night” is great for a gothic novelist, but not so awesome for a political blogger. (Or, at least, not for any of the political bloggers I’ve ever read… your mileage may vary.)

Here are some tried and true methods for coming up with a genuine-sounding fake name:

  1. Riff on the old “porn star name” method of combining the street you grew up on with your middle name or the name of a favorite pet: Mine would be Nicole Melrose, which sounds like a pretty good name for a writer of erotic fiction.
  2. You could also try spoofing an existing celebrity name, like Perez Hilton. Lots of celebrities have also grabbed their first or last names from movie marquees, like Michael Caine (who jokes he could’ve ended up as “Michael 101 Dalmatians” if The Caine Mutiny hadn’t been playing that day), so give that a whirl.
  3. Maybe you’ve got a nickname that’s always suited you better? You could be Lucky Leroux or Johnny Aces. This seems to work well in the world of crime fiction, so embrace your inner gangster and give ‘em both barrels.
  4. Take a page from the lady novelists of the 18th century and abbreviate your first and middle names to mere letters! L.N. Roberts sounds a little clinical to me, but maybe it could work for a medical thriller.
  5. If you’re really stuck, let a computer pick out a new name for you. Try the Internet’s slew of name generators, and keep reloading until you find something you like. I recently stuck my full name into an anagram generator and came up with Liberator Larcenous. What a great name for a crime novelist—or a literary gang!

Coming up with your pseudonym should be fun, so get creative! Just remember to pick something you won’t mind being stuck with for a while. After all, who knows how far you’ll go with your new name?