Button Tapper

I’m currently in the process of retooling Black Heart Magazine, so that I can publish a wider variety of genres and not feel like I’m being disloyal to erotica.

Isn’t it stupid, how you start to have these ideas about Who You Are that don’t really match with What You Actually Are? Sometimes it’s because of how others perceive you, true, but sometimes it’s entirely your own fault. Perhaps spurred on by the things others believe, but ultimately up to you to correct.

It can be very hard to let go of a certain persona, particularly if it worked or was popular in the past. But I am definitely not the sex-hungry minx of Black Heart’s past anymore, if indeed I ever was.

(Was she or wasn’t she? I can see the gossip rags now. If anyone thought I was famous enough to celeb-profile, which I’m not.)

In any event, I’ve been madly storming the halls of my mind (some call this “brainstorming”), ransacking it for ideas, thoughts, conclusions on what to do next, and how to do it. So far I’ve decided this: Black Heart is now about fiction that breaks the rules.

What does it mean to break the rules? How does that translate to a mission statement? I say mission statements be damned; all you need is a nice soundbyte or elevator pitch. The fiction I publish breaks the rules, and that’s really all you need to know.

You can find our submission guidelines online. Supposing, of course, you’re rule-abiding enough to read ‘em. If not, you can send your submissions to me via the Black Heart contact form.

In other news, I’ve been madly reading up on all the other lit mags I can find online, and I think one of my new favorites is the Summerset Review. I was tracking down stalking an author whose work I enjoyed on another site, and discovered she’d published a piece at the Summerset Review. It turned out to be an essay, which was kind of interesting, since it seemed very much like her peculiar brand of fiction at first. In any event, I found it very strange and disarming and sad and funny by turns, and even wrote a letter to the editor about it, in a woefully misguided attempt to participate in their “Fifty-for-Fifty” contest (which encourages letters to the editor), only to receive a nice letter back from the editor explaining that this wasn’t the most recent issue, and there was a timeline involved, which I’d missed.

Whoops. I am an idiot. Or I was just so excited to read this piece that I totally didn’t realize it was from Summer 2009 and not Winter 2010. In either case, editor Joseph Levens kindly told me he could offer me a free copy of the actual current issue, so that I could potentially comment on that instead. So all’s well that ends well: free issue, nice editor, and some very well-written stuff at this journal, which I highly recommend (and not just because they’re sending me a free issue, although that certainly helps).

Therefore, you must now go read Aubrey Hirsch’s “Speaking from the Throat” at the Summerset Review, and while you’re at it, enjoy some of her fiction over at Litsnack, too.

Lately I’ve been noticing that my writing has been in a bit of a slump. I only write a blog when I’m riled up about something, and then usually feel like it’s just a rant that isn’t worth posting after the emotions are spent. I’ve been writing really brief blogs about the books I’ve been reading, over at Crack Books, which is fun… but it’s not exactly the stuff of genius. I’ve been writing cover letters and endlessly tweaking my résumé, which is duller work than anything in the world. And then there’s just the sea of words that I feel like I’ve been drowning in, with all the print and web material I’ve got in my “to read” pile.

So I’ve decided to kick it up a notch and put myself on a strict writing regimen, to get things moving in the right direction and change my personal scoreboard from “zero” to “hero.” (Wow, that was cheezy! But somehow true.) Here’s what I’ve got lined up, so you can play along at home if you like:

1. 

   Just try and tell me you don't want to run right out and get one of these New Leaf Paper composition notebooks for yourself! (image via New Leaf Paper)

   7 haiku per day, with coffee. I’ll bust some poetic moves as I drink my morning beverage of choice, getting the creative juices flowing and a feeling of accomplishment at seeing those 5-7-5s line up on the page. I’m doing 7 a day because that’s how many fit on a college-ruled page in my composition book. (Mad props to the New Leaf Paper company, who’ve really sexed up the standard composition-style notebook, all with 100% recycled paper. HOT!) I figure if I keep up this rate, by this time next year I’ll have a book of haiku to publish.

2. Sending out work for publication. Every day I’ll try to find at least one new publication where I can send some of my finished work. I know I tend to procrastinate on this, or just let the stuff sit there, wondering what to do with it. No more! It’ll be out there, circulating, so that even if it’s getting rejected, at least it’s being read. Like they say about the lottery: you’ve gotta be in it to win it.
3. Writing new stories. This is another point: while I do have some finished work I’d like to get out there, I’ve also got to keep updating the files with new work. So, I’d better get on to writing some stories! Every day I’ll work on either starting, editing, or finishing some new bit of work. When I hit a wall with one, start another. Keep ‘em in rotation and see what comes out of it.
4. Finish that novel. I’ve been plugging away on my novel, on and off for a few years. It’s time to get serious, write the stuff that needs to get written, edit the stuff that needs to get edited, and get that sucker done. Just like the short fiction, just keep things moving and keep coming back to those pages. My biggest issue seems to be procrastination, so let’s put it on the To Do list and move it up towards the top, rather than letting it slide daily to the bottom.

That’s the four-pronged approach. I’ll probably still have to keep sending out résumés and cover letters on a daily basis, but I’ve decided to limit it to a manageable amount and do that type of admin work only until noon. After noon, it’s time to write. After all, I’m not an administrator, I’m a writer. Sometimes you have to remind yourself, y’know?

Anyway, that’s my approach. Do any of you have a specific writing routine or regimen that you like to use? Tell me all about it; I’m always curious to know how the rest of the world writes!

P.S. Here’s one of the 7 haiku I wrote today, reflecting on the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympic Games:

Hipsters reading pomes,
A friend asks: “Is this what your
country’s all aboot?”

Let me just say, up front, that I have had words with Valentine’s Day in the past, and that it is well aware of my feelings on the subject, for all of the obvious—and not-so-obvious—reasons. However, seeing as the day is upon us and all must comment, whether in the Pro or Anti camps, I offer you a simple drawing that I think should sum things up nicely. I call it “Surreal Valentine: Austin, TX”:

"Surreal Valentine: Austin, TX" by Laura Roberts

This drawing was inspired by a sign on the side of the road that cracked me up, plus a little imagination and speculation as to what “Chotes” might actually mean. Yes, yes, it’s probably just someone’s last name, but as you can see, my mind is rather dirty. And also, I’ve been wondering lately wtf people actually do with their used sex toys, since you’re not really supposed to recycle hazardous materials (which includes anything that has, or has had, bodily fluids on it).

In any case, to paraphrase a Jon Stewart saying, I hope you enjoy this moment of Zen. You’re welcome. Oh, and Happy V-Day.

"Become A Writer" collage by Laura Roberts

Today I’ve been catching up on my Twitter feeds, and I’ve found some interesting posts from a variety of writers. There’s The Worst Love Poem in Chicago by Mel Schwartz over at the Tribune, Bo’s Café Life (a cartoon about writing in cafés by Wayne E. Pollard), a list of 100 Little Ways You Can Dramatically Improve Your Writing at a site called “Online Colleges,” and my friend Jason Mashak has recently published a book of poetry entitled Salty as a Lip with Austin’s own Haggard & Halloo, (and which you can buy online here).

In short, I’ve been inspired, and I feel compelled to sit down and write like the wind. Because, ultimately, if I were to write a book on How To Become A Successful Writer, it would only have three steps. They would be:

1. Sit your butt in a chair and write.
2. Edit your work.
3. Repeat steps 1 & 2 as necessary.

That’s it, that’s all. Publication? That’s a concern that comes later, and it’s up to a wide variety of whims. Ultimately, the way to become a successful writer is to write. That’s what all the great writers, and even the not-so-great writers who get it, will tell you. If you’re not writing, you’re not a writer. Period. So sit in the chair and write!

How to become a successfully published writer is a whole different blog post, my friends. Don’t bother yourself about it right now; just get out there and get writing!

As a regular part of my job, I am often searching company websites for various kinds of information. While it seems to me to be only common sense for websites to offer basic information about the companies they represent (including a physical address, telephone or email contact info, and store opening hours), I have certainly found many business websites that don’t share this attitude. Some will simply be missing one key piece of information (I have your address, but what’s your phone number?), while others will leave you entirely in the dark (“Coming Soon”? WHAT’S coming soon?). Still others sport scary typos, grammatical errors, and writing that makes you cringe.

I’d give you examples, but I’m trying to protect the guilty from being unfairly singled out here. Let’s just say we’ve all seen them before. They’re the websites that give me the willies, not because they’ve got horrible design flaws or spinning JPGs from the 1990s, but because they’re so close to being good that it hurts me to see them screw it up so near the finish line.

People, I know you know this, but I’ll say it anyway: SPELLING COUNTS! All computers are equipped with a spell-check button, and yet people don’t push it. How could it be any simpler?

It's enough to make you want to scream! ("scream" photo by Flickr user Melle_Oh)

I know, I know. I’m guilty of it myself. You’re sure it’s all okay. You haven’t seen any little red lines. You just know you used the correct form of “their / there / they’re.” You’re smart. You’re savvy. You just misspelled “savvy.” Your company now looks foolish. You probably just lost a sale.

Does spelling count that much in the real world? Yes, it really does! When I see glaring typos on a website, I typically leave. To me, it’s a sign of negligence, and if a company is negligent about their appearance, then what else are they skimping on? Security measures for credit-card shopping? Customer service? Getting your package to you in a timely fashion? You just never know.

So basically, my point is this: having a website that is professional and error-free is hugely important. And yet there are plenty of people out there DOING EET RONG (to use a LOLcats expression). Don’t let this be you!

And, to be extra helpful, I’ve even instituted a new web-only special here at Laura Roberts Creative Services. For a limited time, you can have your website looked over by a professional copy editor and proofreader for the mega-low price of $149.95. With the WEBSITE CLEAN-UP I’ll go over your whole site, page by page with a fine-toothed comb in search of sneaky little errors. I’ll tweak your text, rid you of typos, and even double-check your English (great for French, Spanish, German or other non-native speakers looking to hook up with an English-language audience). It’s a steal at $149.95, particularly if you’ve got a site with tons of pages. So give it a whirl! You’ve got nothing to lose but the typos.

What are you waiting for? Click here to learn more, or to sign up now!