So, it’s day 3 of the 3 Day Novel weekend, and I’m not sure why, but I’m stuck right now at 16,806 words. Slightly past my projected halfway point of 30,000 words. I’ve introduced all my characters, and it’s time for them to get married, and… I can’t write these damn scenes.
I’ve got some suspicions about the root of the problem. Let me see if I can write them out.
See, I never really planned out my wedding as a kid. I was never the type to sit around picking out potential wedding gowns or drawing up elaborate plans for a day that might never come. I wasn’t into all the hubbub, the hoopla, the frothy dresses that cost as much as a car. And the older I got, the more it seemed to me that weddings were just a really huge waste of money to throw a party for two people who should, really, be saving money in order to make their dreams come true. I mean, doesn’t it make more sense to spend thousands of dollars on a house instead of a single day’s worth of partying?
So when I finally got popped the question by my husband, who is also quite anti-wedding, one of my first thoughts was not “OMG, this is so exciting!” but “OMG, how can I make this as stress-free as possible?!”
The thought of having to organize my own wedding seemed horrible, really. The thought of spending a ridiculous sum of money on any part of it, just because we said the words “I do” seemed egregious. And still does! So all of these stupid celebrity weddings and over-the-top Bridezillas with “Say Yes to the Dress” and whatever the hell just strike me as annoying, not cute or fun.
And having to write a bunch of scenes in which my characters meet at such a horrendous event is also making me want to lie down and take a nap. YAWN.
I guess this is why I don’t write romance novels, eh? To me, weddings are seriously unromantic. Standing up in front of a huge crowd of people and declaring your love for someone? Nerve wracking. Not fun, sexy, cute or anything I typically associate with romance.
If anything, I identify most with Kevin Hart’s character in The Wedding Ringer. I would much rather swoop in, give an awesome speech that shows what a great friend someone else is, grab some champagne and a piece of the cake, and swoop out to engaged in an activity that’s much more fun.
Dressing up in a white dress? Not my deal.
Trying to lose 10 pounds to squeeze myself into someone else’s idea of pretty? Fuck that shit.
Writing wedding scenes where people are declaring love after meeting for the first time? Kind of a bummer.
But I’m still trying to make it fun. I’ve been racking my brain for all the kookiest wedding-related ideas I can think of. I recently saw pictures of a dove that swooped into a chocolate fountain and got himself thoroughly covered in chocolate goo, for instance, and that made me laugh. I definitely need to work that in, somewhere. And the wedding scene in So I Married an Axe Murderer is probably one of my faves, closely followed by Buttercup’s fake marriage to Prince Humperdink in The Princess Bride, so I’m scouring those scenes for elements I can steal, modify or otherwise work into my own wedding scenes (there are three of them, ugh!) in order to make the whole thing more palatable.
Note to self: Next time you get the bright idea for a novel, try not to center it around an event quite as loathsome as a wedding!