Yes, it’s true: today is my Jesus birthday, aka my 33rd year of always looking on the bright side of life. For something completely different, I’ll be celebrating in true Big Lebowski fashion by bowling the night away and sipping White Russians like they’re going out of style (which, let’s face it, they probably are). The Jesus and his purple jumpsuit is not invited, nor are fans of crucifixion. Unless they’re fans of The Rosy Crucifixion, which is an entirely different matter.
All that to say that if you’ve been wondering what to get the girl who’s got it all, I’ve got a suggestion: BUY MY BOOKS.
For your convenience, here’s a list of titles you can currently choose from:
- Haiku for Haters, a mini-book of sarcastic haiku, great for hipsters and lovers of silly poetry alike ($2.99)
- NOIR, a Black Heart production of neo-crime short fiction and intensely gritty poetry, co-edited with Jimmy Callaway ($2.99)
- Naked Montreal, my forthcoming novel about the Sin City of the North (currently in pre-sale for $14.95, or click here for a free sample chapter)
And for the extreme
spendthrift Laura fan:
- YOUR TITLE HERE, a one-of-a-kind, 100% unique mini-book written just for you ($150; only one copy available, only at my Etsy store)
Also on my wish list? CHOCOLATE. Any type is good, though Godiva is better. Plus the Austin Chocolate Festival is this weekend, and if I don’t get a chance to peruse their wares, I may be entirely impossible to deal with for the rest of this year.
Those are my demands. I don’t think they’re completely unreasonable. So what’ll it be? Are you going to make my birthday a happy one, or are you going to make baby Jesus cry?
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