Monthly Archives: January 2010

Winter haiku

Posted on by
3

I haven’t written any of my haiku-a-day in a while, and since I’ve got a few Basho books out of the library right now, I thought I’d give it a go. It’s the end of January, and I’m feeling a bit unmoored. I’m used to ice and snow at this time of the year, and while it’s certainly cold here in Texas (apparently it’s 34 degrees outside right now) and rather a desolate landscape (as evidenced by my recent visit to the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center), the lack of a standard Winter Wonderland is making me feel kind of spooked.

Add on top of that the fact that I just read The Road by Cormac McCarthy (which I wrote up briefly on CrackBooks), where the two protagonists are shivering with cold virtually all of the time and the post-apocalyptic landscape is described as “cold enough to split rocks,” and you’ve got a bit of a paranoid writer on your hands. Am I dying, or is it just cold in here? (To paraphrase a Sarah Silverman song lyric.)

So, here are three of my winter haiku:

“texas winter landscape (with poodles)” by Flickr user greg westfall

Silent winter snow
missing from Texas landscape
Strange chill without ice
–

“texas in winter #4″ by Flickr user greg westfall

Do I miss freezing?
Strapping boots to venture forth?
Not at all! (a bit)
–

“Real winter in Texas” by Flickr user CameliaTWU

Montréal Winter

Icicles question,
breath hanging in air shatters.
Cold, clean fear of death.

I should note that I wrote all of those haiku in a great (free!) Zen-style writing program called OmmWriter. If you’ve got a Mac, you should definitely check it out (it’s not currently available for you [suckafool] PCs), as it’s quite a neat way to approach your creative writing. It takes you out of the clutter of your desktop and allows you to choose your background, a repeating pattern of music that resembles my husband’s Buddha Machine (another great little gizmo if you want to clear your mind), and another ambient noise associated with tapping the buttons of your keyboard. You’re focused on the words on the page, and the repeating musical patterns are meant to keep your thoughts flowing, rather than snagging on the words to a familiar tune or even the hook to some classical music. I really like it, especially for things like my haiku writing project—and did I mention it’s free?

Seriously, try it. You’ll convert.

Finally, I am announcing a crazy (but attainable) goal, inspired by my recent reading of Jeremy Mercer’s Time Was Soft There. Apparently George Whitman, the owner of the illustrious Shakespeare and Company bookstore in Paris, allows writers to stay at the bookstore so long as they read one book per day to earn their keep, so to speak. This is an amazing idea, both because it will help any writer improve his or her craft, but also because it immerses you in the world of literature and ideas. It allows you to see the connections, to see yourself as one in a long line of writers, to broaden your horizons and deepen your interests. It sounds time-consuming in our rush-rush world of corporate consumption and pointless motion, but really, what have you got to lose when you sit down and read a book?

I always have a book or two on hand anyway, and regularly read about a book a week. I’m already the type of person that puts library books on hold so I can have good books delivered (almost) to my doorstep, and since the Austin library nearest my house has a drive-thru, well, I’ve been going a bit nuts with my holds (despite their threat that you’ll have to pay $1 per book if you don’t pick them up within 10 days of your request being fulfilled). I am, in a word, voracious. Always have been. I was the kid who checked out stacks of books, and once a little girl saw me with my pile and whispered to her mother, “Look at all the books she has, mommy!” The mother whispered back, “She’s not going to read them all.” I turned to face them and said, “Yes I am!”

That child was undoubtedly scarred for life, but you get my point. I’m an unstoppable reading machine. So now it’s time to step it up a notch and really get serious. Thus, I pledge to join the ranks of the Shakespeare and Company writers, from afar. Tonight I’ve got a few hours left to kill Under the Tuscan Sun. Let’s do this thing!

Who’s with me?

Copywriting: J. Peterman’s style

Posted on by
Reply

I recently approached a previous client regarding the possibility of more copywriting work, emboldened by The Well-Fed Writer’s claims that cold calling works, but “lukewarm calling” is often more lucrative. The editor I queried wrote back to ask if I had any experience writing in the style of the inimitable J. Peterman.

I promptly went to the J. Peterman website, perused some of their copy, and set to work spinning a few Peterman-esque short tales of my own that might work for the client’s website, using some of their current merchandise as inspiration.

I also posted on Twitter about it, saying “One potential employer I contacted wants copy in the form of the J. Peterman catalogue. I’ve been browsing the monocle: http://bit.ly/65wW0l.” (Seriously, who can pass up a real, honest-to-goodness monocle?!)

J. Peterman is, naturally, on Twitter, and responded accordingly:

Unfortunately, I’m still in suspense myself. But I promise to let you all know if I do end up landing any work of this type, as I will clearly be shadowing the footsteps of genius.

And, of course, watching all of the old Seinfeld episodes with Peterman in them to serve as a secondary source of inspiration. Despite the show’s ribbing, they did manage to get Peterman’s sometimes overblown tone down, emphasizing the fine line between creative copy and impenetrably ridiculous wordsmithing (see, for example, the episode entitled “The Foundation,” where Elaine takes over for Peterman and puts the “urban sombrero” on the cover of the catalogue). Still, the real J. Peterman’s descriptions do work well: if you’ve ever read through the catalogue, you’ll find yourself agreeing with the company’s Twitter summary of what they do: “People want things that are hard to find. Things that have romance, but a factual romance, about them.”

In short, J. Peterman’s style is about both romantic product descriptions and the whiff of exclusion. Not everyone can afford the items for sale in the catalogue, and that’s what gives them an edge. It’s this idea that the product you are buying is, if not one-of-a-kind, then at least one-of-very-few. It’s that rarity that puts the item in demand, and the copywriter’s sexy description helps nudge the customer’s hand toward the “buy now” button. It’s an elegant form of salesmanship, and one that clearly gets results, as the company has been thriving since 1987.

It also makes for a great writing exercise, as demonstrated by this article in Writing Fix, “A Six-Trait Writing Lesson That Uses the J. Peterman Catalogue.” (Seriously, try it. You’ll be waxing lyrical in no time!)

In the meantime, if anyone would care to gift me with one of Peterman’s (discounted) Get Around Vespa Jackets, I promise to use this inspiration toward writing brilliant copy for the sender of said inspiration. Hey, J. Peterman: need any new writers for your site? Will work for designer duds*!

*Fee negotiable

Suite101 and Demand Studios: Why content mills aren’t worth the effort

Posted on by
5

Since many people have been writing to me lately asking for my take on the Suite101/Demand Studios types of writing scams and content mills out there, I just wanted to refer everyone back to my original post on the subject, as the final paragraph links to several articles on Writers Weekly which are quite informative and feature real users (i.e. people who’ve worked for these sites) who have given their opinions about these specific content mills and their pay rates.

You should also root around at Writers Weekly to find Angela Hoy’s various articles on each individual company’s policies (including Demand Studios, Suite101, Examiner.com and others), pay rates and scams, as they all feature comments from people who have worked for these sites, giving their informed opinions. There are always people on each side of the issue, pro and con, so they’re fairly well-balanced articles even though Angela thinks they’re all scumbags (and I would have to agree with her).

Also, don’t miss the I Was Sucked into Content Mill Writing article by Anonymous, as it’s a good general take on the type of “work” you will find yourself doing, the feelings you will be feeling, and the right way to put a stop to being taken advantage of as a professional writer.

My basic opinion of these places is that if you’re taking content from writers but aren’t paying them, and are trying to lead them to believe that you WILL be paying them, you’re a scumbag. You’ve started a company that preys on writers, hoping to turn a profit. This is theft of information, ideas and time. Writers, real writers who write copy for a living, are paid for their time as well as their end products. So anyone who offers you payment at some unspecified date in the future, in the form of “royalties” or “percentages” or anything that sounds like “if you have to get a million people to click on the article to make one cent per click and see some profit,” you should run screaming. This is not a job, this is a scam. Period. Suite101 is this type of a scam.

Demand Studios is not this type of a scam, but they are STILL not worth working for, no matter how you slice it. They lay out in advance the amount of money you can expect to make (i.e. $5 to $20 per article), but considering all the research involved, as well as the time spent writing and editing, this is a paltry sum of money. Again, professional copywriters don’t work for these places, because the pay rate is insulting, and if you want proof just ask The Well-Fed Writer (who makes $50,000 a year or more, writing for places that respect the work that he does).

If you just need the money, you should look for another type of job and write what you want to write on the side. Even crappy service industry jobs like waiting tables or slinging coffee will net you more income than Demand Studios. Period. I’ve “worked” for Demand Studios in the past, and it honestly wasn’t worth the effort. You won’t even get good quality clips you can use to net other jobs. Don’t bother.

All that being said, people always want to make up their own minds. So no matter how many times I say “Don’t do it! It’s a scam! It’s not worth it!” there will always be some who want to see for themselves, or try to beat the system. If you want to do that, by all means go ahead, but my honest advice is DON’T DO IT. It’s a scam. And really, it’s not worth your time, your talent, and your self-worth.